The Pressure to Be the “Perfect Mom”
Moms today are juggling more than ever. Between work deadlines, family schedules, and trying to remember if you even drank water today, your normal day-to-day can feel pretty overwhelming, and that’s before your feet even hit the floor and the first cup of coffee is made.
Add in scrolling through your IG feed and seeing spotless homes, homemade meals, and kids who somehow never seem to throw even the smallest tantrum, and it’s no wonder mom guilt starts creeping in.
We’ve all felt it: the pressure to keep up. To be the mom who makes everything look effortless while managing an endless to-do list. But here’s the thing—chasing perfection often leaves moms burnt out and exhausted, which is far from the sustainable joy we all deserve.
Instead of striving for an impossible standard, we’re inviting you to rethink what “having it all together” really means. Let’s talk about prioritizing yourself as a mom, finding balance in the everyday, and letting go of unrealistic expectations so you can focus on what truly matters. (Spoiler: It’s not a Pinterest-worthy dinner.)
Why Perfectionism Isn’t the Goal
Trying to do it all is a fast track to exhaustion. But what if perfection wasn’t the goal? What if instead the goal was showing up for yourself and your family in a way that feels good for you?
The Unrealistic Expectations Mothers Face
Moms today are navigating some pretty impossible standards. Ones that suggest you should somehow “do it all.”
Here are just a few of the pressures many moms face (and we’re guessing you can add even more to this list):
- Keeping that home spotless and also cozy, kid friendly, toxic free….
- Excelling at work while being fully present at home.
- Cooking Instagram-worthy meals when boxed mac and cheese is the real MVP some (many, most?) nights.
- Staying on top of relationships with friends, partners, and family.
- Looking “put together” with zero time to yourself.
- Balancing motherhood and self-care as if there are enough hours everyday for both.
- Meeting milestones perfectly—from feeding schedules to all the developmental goals.
These expectations create a constant mental load, leaving little space for the things that truly matter.
The Impact of Trying to Do It All
When you’re a mom constantly striving to meet impossible expectations, the toll it takes on your well-being adds up quickly. This can show up as:
- anxiety and overwhelm
- burnout and resentment
- constant fatigue
- mounting stress
- feeling disconnected
- missing joyful moments
Mom Guilt Meets the Power of Doing Less
We’ve all heard the phrase “less is more.” Less clutter is more peace. Less rushing is more calm. Less noise is more clarity. So what if we made this a mantra for motherhood?
What “Dropping the Ball” Really Means
“Dropping the ball” doesn’t mean neglecting responsibilities or giving up. Instead, picture it as reprioritizing. You’re letting go of the things that drain your energy without adding value. You’re deciding to tackle something on your to-do list at another time.
For example, instead of putting away the dishes during naptime, you might choose to have a contact nap or do an at home workout. Or, instead of cooking three different meals after a long day, you might order takeout and watch a show with your partner while the dishes sit in the sink.
By letting go of the need to do it all, you’re not only giving yourself permission to breathe—you’re also creating room for what really matters: connection, joy, and the mental space to feel like yourself again.
Permission to Say “No”
“No” is one of the hardest words for moms to say (though somehow, it’s one of the easiest for toddlers). But it’s also one of the most powerful—maybe they’re onto something!
Saying no doesn’t mean you’re not a good mom, friend, or partner. It means you’re protecting your time, energy, and well-being. And when you’re in the trenches of motherhood—especially with young kids—that matters more than ever.
“No” can take many forms. It might mean skipping an event, outsourcing a chore, or simply carving out space to rest. Here are a few examples:
- “No, we won’t be able to come to brunch this weekend. I’m prioritizing some quiet time at home without plans.”
- “No, I can’t be on that committee this year, but I’d love to help out in other ways when I can.”
- “No, I can’t host dinner this time. Let’s meet at a park instead for something low-key.”
- “No, I’m not staying up late to fold laundry tonight. It can wait until tomorrow.”
- “No, I can’t meet this deadline. Let’s discuss a realistic timeline that works for everyone.”
- “No, I’m not signing us up for another activity. We need time to rest and reset as a family.”
- “No, I won’t be cleaning the house top to bottom today. I’m focusing on what truly needs to get done.”
How Doing Less Can Lead to More Self-Care for Moms
As moms, it’s easy to get caught up in the never-ending-ness of it all. But what if doing less actually gave you more? More space for self-care, more time for yourself, and more connection with the people who matter most. Letting go can create space for postpartum self-care in ways that feel attainable, meaningful, and, most importantly, sustainable.
More Connection
This isn’t necessarily the season of life where you’ll have a spotless kitchen or perfectly organized closets—and that’s okay. When you drop one, two, or even three things from your to-do list, whether it’s setting the bar lower by taking something off your plate, like saying no to a work event, or opting for grocery delivery instead of shopping at the store, you’re opening yourself up to filling your connection cup.
More connection means having time to snuggle your baby, laugh with your partner, or just enjoy the quiet moments. Connection thrives when the pressure to “do it all” fades, making space for what brings happiness and meaning to your days.
More Joy
Joy often hides in the little moments—when you’re not rushing or chasing impossible standards. It’s in savoring a few chapters from your book when your baby goes to sleep, instead of reorganizing the diaper bag and cleaning the bathroom. Or in dancing in the kitchen with your toddler, even if the dishes aren’t done.
By letting go of the pressure to do it all, you create space for those small, beautiful moments that remind you why this season of motherhood is so special.
More Space
Self-care doesn’t have to mean spa days or week-long retreats (though those do sound dreamy). Small, intentional options can have just as big an impact. And maybe that means structuring play time a little less or saying no to an extra errand so you can sit with a cup of tea and just be for a moment.
When you allow yourself the space to rest and recharge, you’re creating the energy and patience to show up for your family in the ways that matter most. Sometimes, doing less is exactly what makes room for more.
How Mothers Haven Supports Moms in Letting Go
Dropping the ball can take on a whole new meaning if you let it. Think about watching that ball—with all the expectations and comparisons and to-dos—bounce away and realizing the world keeps spinning.
At Mothers Haven, we are right there with you. We know that finding your rhythm and embracing what feels right for you can take a backseat when life gets busy and chaotic. But we hope you can find a few ways to say no, to do less, and to fill up your own cup a bit more.
And if you’re local, we’d love to help you reclaim more for you! Mothers Haven offers postpartum support in Rhode Island that allows moms to be real, supported, and perfectly imperfect.
Please check out some of our offerings:
- Special Offer Alert: Danielle, our new pediatric PT and craniosacral therapist, is offering a Mommy and Me CFT (craniosacral) session (45 mins) for $100. Imagine replacing 45 minutes of scrambling to clean up the house or overloading your to-do list with a calming session for you and your baby. Yes, please!
- Weekly Prenatal & Postpartum Yoga class
- The Mothers Haven Moms Club that’ll connect you with other moms and give you time to share your experiences.
- Explore our website for downloadable guides and resources that help you feel more confident navigating postpartum self-care and reclaiming your time.
Whether you’re seeking support as a new mom in Rhode Island or just need permission to let something go, we’re here for you. It’s time to reclaim what being a mom means and prioritize making space to truly enjoy this phase of motherhood.